i am nice

realization for the day...

2010-10-25T12:41:00.000-07:00

sometimes we confuse and stress ourselves with two or too many choices and decisions to make... and then we end up having and doing none... or am i the only one? ... tsk tsk

- back to reality now -

the third task

2010-09-11T19:43:00.000-07:00

Task for today (actually it was given yesterday):

- 5 entertaining but informative articles about a certain tablet that helps treat an…oh well a sexual problem; and another

- 5 entertaining but informative articles about a specific appetite suppressant

Whew... this is a real challenge for someone who knows not much about the male world and someone who has not been really successful in slimming down. :)

Okay, so I probably should have started doing the task today but I ended up wanting to write how this freelance day feels like. I’m like online for hours already just staring into facts and testimonials and glancing once in a while to my blank page.

It is indeed a challenging task. I have gotten over the risk and uneasiness of my first few articles and have somehow passed the test for my “employer” but today is like the beginning where you don’t know how to start.

And my little sister who’s way smarter than me (uhhmm yeah I think I’m smart haha) is not feeling well for days now and my other smarter elder sister is also doing loads of nursing duties so I have no support group for now.

But since I chose to accept the challenges, I know I can do this. It feels fun though once you're almost finish doing an article :) especially when you get paid for it. You guys should try freelance writing.

After several hours after cooking, eating, bathing and cleaning...

I’ve finally have written a 65-word introduction. Well that’s a good start, right?

I should stop doing this other blogs now. :) ‘Til next…

my pineapple pleasure

2010-09-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

One thing I really don't like about is flying home or somewhere else alone – you do not have someone to talk to and kill the time. I easily get intimidated by other passengers I do not know. Good thing the airport has a few good food stalls for you to chill your waiting time.

Most of my “alone” flights, I just go directly and bore myself out in the waiting area. Or always at the Coffee Dream for a coffee treat but sometimes ordering something I’m not really in the mood to drink but it so happen it’s the only place conducive for me to stay and not be around so many people.

But on Saturday, I see from afar that I would not be comfortable there sitting at the only table that is beside passengers I know I’d get intimidated (here I go again). So I ended up staying at Fruit Magic because I saw the dainty soft chairs and glass table – and there were not too many occupants. Then I scanned the menu for the most eye-catching drink for my day.

And the winner is… Pineapple Pleasure. So I ordered that thinking “let’s see how pleasurable that really is”. And to my surprise, I was not disappointed. It was really a heavenly mix of the pineapple, mango, banana and strawberry. I thought it was more of the pineapple and banana taste but when you sip more, your mind changes – haha – and then you sip again and confuse your mind. It was so amazing that I promised myself to blog about it so here I am.

Sad thing I didn’t had the guts to take pictures of it because I was being conscious at people probably looking at me. But now I am regretting that fact. This could have been more convincing with real images.

But never mind, I can always just go and buy again my precious Pineapple Pleasure. A pure pleasure inside a smoothie cup. :)

a sad post (because i am sad today)

2010-07-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

Too many decisions…

There were too many decisions in the past (and the present) that keeps hunting me.

And with this particular decision I’ve made… it keeps making me cry.

I was never a good friend, was I?

Until now I keep thinking if that decision ended our friendship… or was it never there. Or was I the one who went away and kept the relationship simple, distant... not minding.

Because I was too afraid to be swayed… I was too afraid to make a decision about my life…. like I am until now. And that maybe you thought that me making that decision was me ending our friendship.

You’re one of my bests and I wanted to keep you… but that decision must have contradicted to that.

I wanted to keep you close but I keep thinking too much of just having the friendship grow and never wanted to do what you wanted to do to make your life better… to make our lives better.

And now I keep thinking maybe I really deserve what I really feel right now.

And then I have to make a decision again, to just let this go…

I’m sorry.

And I still hope we have those special places in our hearts.

I hope you understood me as I do understand you.

And congratulations because I know you have achieved your goal now.

And I am truly happy for you.

And I may not be able to say this to you directly, I hope one day you get to read and understand this.

07292010

insecure

2010-03-07T05:51:00.000-08:00

insecure, a word I have never thought I'd come to accept as a feeling... an undeniably frustrating feeling. and right where and when i thought i would be at my best and happiest, is where i also am the most lowest... most insecure. and who's to blame? i believe i should be, but i believe it may also be just destiny. but yes, we make our own lives and our decisions becomes the cause of our destiny.

i hope to become aware, i hope to escape... i hope to soon depart from this maybe foolish mistake. i hope to gain more courage, to convince myself... how long will it last, help me God to amend

in my siLent sanctuary

2010-02-28T22:40:00.000-08:00

i don't like having someone else not as close as my sisters inside my room...
i used to be okay with having to share a room way back in my early college life and then i went and requested to just have my own one...

now that i'm back to being alone, that feeling just intensified...
i only want a space of my own, a silent sanctuary...
i only want the silence and the space to look at me when i'm dressing up...
i only want my stuffs to witness my insanity, my bed to catch my falls...

there's no reason at all for being selfish about sharing it, maybe i am just selfish, period.

but maybe, just maybe you will understand why...

i am silent... i only have this room to keep me sane, calm, and happy...
in this new place, when he is not comforting me, i only have my silent sanctuary to love me...

forget me not...

2010-02-21T01:45:00.000-08:00

jerome and i decided one day to go shopping...
no not for clothes or shoes and fashion stuffs haha..

we were craving for danggit and that tiny dried bolinao... and that dried squid(?).

on our way home we saw these plants for sale and we were so "love-at-first-site" on this sort of purple/lavender/blue-violet flower plant... hehe

and for P15 we undoubtedly bought it...but it never cross our minds to ask what it was called, and so we were calling it "lavender".

we're just so amaze by the color and the way it grows, it opens up flowers almost every day..or so we think it does hehe...

and i just recently saw this sold also here in sm and found that it was really called "forget me not".

i find it so cute...

maybe that is why it doesn't stop growing flowers..
maybe that is why it doesn't stop making us check on it..
maybe that was why it made us stop and bought it in the first place..

it doesn't want to be forgotten. =)

my him...

2009-06-11T22:40:00.000-07:00

I was angry and my tears were starting to fall and I couldn’t stop them anymore…

I never looked at him and he just tries to console me... his hands just patted my shoulders and caressed my cheeks.

I was angry but I knew I wouldn’t end the story with a break up, but instead, I just didn’t talk…didn’t smile back…

I just let the anger fade away and he knew I needed to calm down first…

And then we hugged each other. Like I never had a reason to be angry and cry. Like I was just being maarte and stupid and I somehow win but really… we both did.

After all the sorry’s and explanations though I never understood them all, I just did forgive him and he just did understood me.

If this were me in the my-used-to-be-life-and-attitude, the story of us would have ended already a long time ago.

But we both choose to understand beyond we both expect of each other.

Is it really love?

I bet it really is!

(June 5, 2009)

ALL I WANNA DO IS SLEEP

2009-01-31T23:23:00.000-08:00

I went to work late yesterday - it's a combination of not wanting to participate in training and that I really just wanna sleep feeling a lil drowsy for no reasons at all.

Then when I got to the office I was all cheery and all okay during the conference call/Q&A with some analyst. I thought that was great, I thought the day started great and I would all finish up my targets.

But when the major part of my job started, it's like my life ended.

I don't know how to express it but it worries me that I am not doing well on my job or that I am good at it but I'm not doing it. The aim is to qc aroung 20 or more transactions in a day (for 8 hours) but today I am working on 5 deals in five hours! How was I supposed to finish all 40 plus of my target today?!

And yeah not to mention that I am blogging right now because I am so not myself and I wanted it all out - with no one to talk to that might really understand what I feel - so another wasted work time I guess.

And so it's already 7:37 am (my off was suppose to be at 6) and I still have 30plus more deals to go through. I tried to reast on my cutie pillow and tried to think and think.

I ended up realizing that for the past few days I've been wanting to sleep and just sleep or just be in bed or just be with my sister hang out somewhere and be happy. I think that these may really be just signs - that maybe my world is stopping or I am not moving because I don't feel happy about it anymore... that maybe I really need some change... a big scary change.

I keep thinking about it in the past weeks and I get excited but holding it back and now I am a lil worried and scared about it.

And I'm hoping and praying God will guide me through this.

And I wanna cry...

And I wanna sleep...

[Created 01/31/2009 7:30 AM]

Who were you in your last life??? =)

2009-01-26T22:46:00.000-08:00

this is cute though it may just be make-believe stuff :)
good luck with yours...
try it in this link http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/index.html

i can't imagine me being a nun in my past life hehehehe

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Portugal around the year 700. Your profession was that of a monk (nun), bee-keeper or lone gunman.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Inquisitive, inventive, you liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
The world is full of ill and lonely people. You should help those, who are less fortunate than you are.

New Year’s List Ű

2009-01-26T20:22:00.000-08:00

Yeah yeah i know it’s kinda late for this list but hey who cares hehe..

I only have this time and mood to write about my goals, plans, and wantssss so bear with me..

· my first priority would be to lessen if not eliminate debts – yesss utang haha - so i guess spending less and saving more goes here too (so good luck to me)

· so to try and earn more, honey (my sister) and i are planning on continuing our online business (www.techque.multiply.com) – target date, end of January or early February so you guys can drop by the site hehehe

· i just got an email alert that someone added me on Yuwie as a friend and it’s a perfect timing, i haven’t visited the site for a long time now since i joined in hehe so i wanna be serious about it starting this month – like starting now. If you haven’t heard about it just visit (and sign up) here http://r.yuwie.com/nicemae/ - it’s a cool network site i guess coz it pays you to socialize hehehe (well of course there are conditions but why not just enjoy being there, right?).

· i hope to do more of this blogging and writing also, this used to be my medium for unloading overflowing stuffs in this crazy head of mine (and it’s so sad that ever since i started working, i seem to not think anymore.. i mean really think a lot or care a lot hehe or okay maybe no one gets that so i’’m just going to shut up about that)

· going back to cebu - no more explanations

· spend more time with God – including coming back and be active again in the CFC-YFC or SFC community =)

· start investing on residential property (char!) – i mean if we are renting now it’s like just giving money away eh so we plan on getting into those rent-to-own (low cost) condos – hopefully.

· spend more time with friends, stop being so KJ and anti-social!! So please help me my dear friends hehehe

· be nicer...

· be kinder...

· be happier

· eat less...

· exercise more (ngyakkk or start exercising i mean!)

· read more books

· learn to cook more food recipes

· and oh i need to buy those jade green accessories for good luck hehe

hmmmm what else..

a "newbie" blogger

2009-01-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

wow another new site to connect with friends and share daily random thoughts. hehe...

i feel like i'm a newbie again on this kinds of things...
i miss this - writing and turning what ever emtoions i have into words.

thanks to andrew (andrewjosedmordeno.blogspot.com) for inspiring me again to do this.

i hope to really do this one good...
and really express myself everyday :).

here it is for now drew (so you have something to read na hehe and yes, special mention pa diba?!).

need to work on something so hang on there friends...
more to come..

i am nice. =p