a sad post (because i am sad today)

Too many decisions…

There were too many decisions in the past (and the present) that keeps hunting me.

And with this particular decision I’ve made… it keeps making me cry.

I was never a good friend, was I?

Until now I keep thinking if that decision ended our friendship… or was it never there. Or was I the one who went away and kept the relationship simple, distant... not minding.

Because I was too afraid to be swayed… I was too afraid to make a decision about my life…. like I am until now. And that maybe you thought that me making that decision was me ending our friendship.

You’re one of my bests and I wanted to keep you… but that decision must have contradicted to that.

I wanted to keep you close but I keep thinking too much of just having the friendship grow and never wanted to do what you wanted to do to make your life better… to make our lives better.

And now I keep thinking maybe I really deserve what I really feel right now.

And then I have to make a decision again, to just let this go…

I’m sorry.

And I still hope we have those special places in our hearts.

I hope you understood me as I do understand you.

And congratulations because I know you have achieved your goal now.

And I am truly happy for you.

And I may not be able to say this to you directly, I hope one day you get to read and understand this.

07292010